Who am I?
I often wonder that on a daily basis. I’ve been told that I am a funny person and fun to be around. Deep down inside I am sad and unhappy. Usually people who feel so dark inside are often there to help others, uplift those, smile a lot, and just act like everything is okay. So most people do not know the true me, and if they don’t do I?
Why am I being public with my issue?
Have you ever felt that your friends or family don’t truly understand you? That when you try to explain how you feel, you think you sound dumb? Or that you just can’t put into words what you are going through or feeling? Yeah, that’s me. I find it easier to write what I am going through, and what I am feeling.
How extreme is my Depression and Anxiety?
I have a lot of low days. Those days are so dark and lonely that I isolate myself from the world. I become distant with family members and with the world in general. My thoughts are extreme to where I honestly think that I would be better off dead. Currently, I still feel this way. When I can’t handle my depression and am unable to deal with my emotions, I turn to cutting. This is how I cope. I have done this since I was 16. This is a habit that is difficult to change for many people who are cutters. People wo cut are not trying to seek attention, or are not trying to kill themselves. Cutting makes people feel better, helps divert their emotions to something else. This is a way to cope, which is unhealthy. But again, difficult to stop.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
This is a serious mental illness that is hard to diagnose. When I was told I had this disorder I thought maybe I really was crazy. But to those who do not know this condition here is a short explanation: Symptoms-intense anger or intense emotions, impulsive behaviors that can be extreme to dangerous, low-self esteem…To learn more: Borderline Personality Disorder
Have I ever attempted suicide?
Yes. Will I ever attempt to do this again? Maybe. There is nothing more I can say to answer this question. Like I said before, I have my days and some are worse.
What do I hope to achieve?
I hope that readers like you will understand what goes on in the mind of someone who is mentally ill. That if you are suffering from the same diagnosis as me, that you will not feel so alone. That when I do decide to end my life, my words, my stories will live on and that I can bring awareness to many.
*I do not encourage suicide, nor do I encourage cutting. This blog is to explain what goes on in the mind of someone who is sick. So that you can better understand those you care about, and look for signs that they may need help.*
**I am not an expert writer or am I trying to be. Ignore any grammatical errors.**